Sid was viscous, Johnny was rotten and there was definitely anarchy in the UK, on the day the eggs flew home. It was the last day of term, summer lay ahead and six weeks of freedom. Freedom for the pupils of Kings secondary modern school. A mish mash of concrete and wooden buildings, surrounded by a six foot high fence, top with barbwire.Kings looked less like a school and more like a prisoner of war camp.
It was lunch time and the song, best years of our lives by Steve Harley and the cockney rebels could be heard drifting over from a near by housing estate.
John and bones were sat outside the dinner hall, arguing. “Your such a lying wanker” said, John, “piss off you asshole” replied, Bones, nob head, turd features, these insults went on for some time. Until John finished with “anorexic whippet. “I am not anorexic” said bones angrily “I’m just slim”.
“Slim my ass” said John, now become bored with this game of insults. Any way who told you about Parker?
“Fat Elvis” said bones sheepishly, “it’s true you ask him”
Fat Elvis, was a fat kid with a deformity to his face, giving him a permanent Elvis lip,
John screamed across the playground towards fat Elvis.
“Fat Elvis get your lardy ass over here now”
Fat Elvis slowly waddled over to the pair. He did not look happy; this was nothing new, fat Elvis never looked happy.
“What’s this about Jones and Parker”? John asked.
Mr Jones was their not so popular head master; a small Weasely faced man with passion for grey tailored suits and would always wear a black gown around school.
Mr Jones was sadistic man who named his cane Mr Whippy. A thin length of bamboo with, for some unknown reason, a small white feather taped to the end.
Parker was Mike Parker.
A strapping six foot three man mountain of a schoolboy, on the last day of his school life.
Mike had felt the sting of Mr Whippy on many occasions.
Once for the crime of handing his homework in a day late.
“Come on spill the beans” said bones as he grabbed Fat Elvis by the ear.
Fat Elvis squealed like a pig
“Let me go, I’m going tell you” he sobbed as rubbed his sore ear.
Still sobbing he told them what he knew
“All I know is that Parker told me he’s going to get Jones at lunch time”
Why? John Asked.
How the hell should I know? Fat Elvis replied.
“Can I go now?”
“OK, piss off” said bones, and with that Fat Elvis sulked off.
Bones thought a moment before saying, I suppose we will have to wait and see.
John just nodded,
Ten minutes, twenty, they waited, they had nearly given up any hope of some action.
When, the door of the dinner hall opened and the head master strolled out.
John looked around trying to see Mike, and then he saw him, walking towards the head master.
Walking tall and proud
In one hand he held an egg box containing half a dozen eggs, well past their sell by date.
“Jones you ugly fucking bastard”, hollered Mike.
The headmaster stopped dead in his tracks
“What” he spluttered totally amazed to be addressed this way,
The whole school went quiet, as one by one they realized what was happening.
Parker slowly took out one of the eggs and threw it with all the skill of a hunter.
The egg flew home, smash; it hit the head masters brow.
The yoke running down his stunned face.
Another one, then one more,
Until all the eggs were gone and the headmaster covered.
Parker then dropped the box and ran quickly towards the school gate with the headmaster in hot pursuit his gown flapping wildly as he run.
By this stage the whole school had erupted, with pupils leaping up and down with joy.
It took some time for the teachers to round up all the over excited children and herd them back to their classrooms
As John and Bones walk out the play ground still laughing their heads off,
John looked over his shoulder, and saw standing on his own, Fat Elvis.
He had strange look upon his face, it took him a few moments to realize, what was so strange about it.
He saw for the first time, a smile, a big crooked smile on his fat face